Why Won't People Just do What I Say?

All I was trying to do was help out a brother in need.  Ya know?  I told this clown standing next to me on the street, "Hey, man, why don't you tie your shoe?  There's a very good chance of somebody stepping on your shoe lace and making you trip."

That guy looked at me and said, "I'm not wearing any shoes, idiot," and then walked off.  Just to teach him a lesson, I stepped on his untied shoelace anyway.  He stumbled to the ground -- emitting that awkward clown laugh the whole way down.  The next thing I knew he was all up in my personal bubble, yelling at me and telling me what a pompous jerk I was.  Actually, he called me a 'porpoise' jerk.  I corrected him, telling him that a porpoise is actually a dolphin, and what he meant to say was 'pompous.'  I then tried to explain to him that it was his own fault for not tying his shoe laces and that he should pay more attention when he is getting dressed.  He then admitted that he was wrong and bent down to tie his shoes.

Another time, I was swimming laps in the Hudson River; some porpoise dolphin comes up beside me and begins taunting me, asking me if I want to race him.  I replied in competitively friendly banter with, "I could beat you with one dorsal fin tied behind my back!"  The dolphin stopped swimming and a tear rolled down his beak.  The mood quickly changed from jest to solemn; something in my comment must have triggered some repressed memory from the dolphin's past.  It was clear that I had offended the dolphin.  I began to tread water, apologized to the dolphin and asked him what was wrong.  He then began to tell me of his rough upbringing as a pup (young dolphin).  "In west Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin out, maxin, relaxing all cool.  And all shooting some b-ball outside of school, when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood.  I got in one lil fight and my mom got scared and said 'You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.'"  As my new dolphin friend, Will, continued to tell me his story, I became overwhelmed with empathy -- you see, I, too, used to play b-ball outside of school.

Will and I never finished that race; instead, we exchanged emails and now have brunch every Thursday morning.  He is a great friend of mine.  Dolphins are loyal and selfless; if only I could get my hands on those hooligans that picked a fight with Will... I'd like to shake flippers with those animals, if you know what I mean.