Do You Need a Rabies Shot? How About a Rabbis Shot?

If you need a rabies shot, then it is highly likely that some rabid animal or rabbi has bitten you.  One of these misfortunes is curable.  The other…well, let’s just say we don’t hear from those people anymore (because they're mute).  There should be three things everyone does, every day:

1. Make sure you haven’t gotten rabies during the course of the night
2. Make sure you haven’t gotten rabbis during the course of the night
3. Become a nun

What should you do to make sure you are rabies free when you wake up? Check for symptoms!  Early symptoms of rabies—symptoms that present themselves around 8:30 or 9:00 in the morning—include: drowsiness, bad breath and foaming at the mouth.  If you neglect taking notice of these early symptoms—a foolish mistake—you should look out for later symptoms.  If, at some point in the day, you have in insatiable desire to bark at your neighbors or when someone rings the doorbell, you may have rabies.  Another later symptom: if you have the sudden urge to greet new friends by sniffing their pants, you may have rabies (or maybe you’re just a freak).  Watch for these symptoms and catch them early before you have to be put down.

Rabies is bad; rabbis is real bad.  Approximately .01% of 2% of the population of Delaware has been bitten by rabbis.  For these people, there is no hope.  Soon after the initial bite, a transformation begins to take place in the victim’s personality.  The victim becomes boring and old!  Then, a rampant beard protrudes from the victims face and neck (this symptom isn’t actually that bad).

Contracting rabies—or worse, rabbis—sucks.  But giving someone else rabies or rabbis is a great prank.  Here’s what you’ll need:

• 1 unsuspecting friend
• 1 foaming mouth (rabid animal’s mouth or rabbis’ mouth)
• 1 tourniquet
• 10 feet of rope
• 45 spare minutes
• Someone to share the laugh with

Here’s what you have to do: you and a couple of your pals sneak up behind your gullible friend, knock him out, tie him to some fixed object, pull out your foaming mouth and have it bite him, and tie the tourniquet around his neck.  And presto, you’ve just given someone a terrible disease that they will probably die from!  Let’s see your gullible friend try to get you back this time!