Will Man and Fish Ever Coexist in Equality?

From the dawn of time, mankind has been asking at least one question.  One of the less important questions plaguing man's thoughts has been: will man and fish ever coexist in equality?  Today I am going to answer this question.  Why would I bother to answer such a question?  Why not?  But first, a short history lesson.

Fore-score and a long time ago, a violent people group was getting hungry.  They searched for food in all the places they could think of.  Even the most remote of places -- they checked under rocks and in trees and stuff -- but still no dice.  They grew so desperate that they started going into the rivers -- their first intention was to eat some of the crashing waves, but they soon found ample fish.  Faster than you can bat a baseball bat at, the violent and hungry (bad combo) tribe took to the rivers and streams of the area!  The people were ruthless to the fish -- no act of violence was regulated on the fish.

This blatant lack of respect for the fish and the fish's feelings has continued for the last 300 decades (not counting leap years, of course).  And the fish community is not very happy about it.  Recent complaints have been reported from America's waterways.  Fishermen are griping that the sun is too hot, the fish bait is too gross, and that the food at the lodge is too crappy.  These fish are getting angry, and they are seeking retribution.  If left undressed, these fish will continue to propagate and make more little fishies.  If left unaddressed, the fish will only get madder, and, though the realistic chance that anything drastic will ever come of their revolt is nearly zero, we, as the dominate race, must not be caught off guard!  Because fish have a brain smaller than a boulder, no opposable thumbs with which they can use to construct any sort of weapon, and their gills restrict them to the water, we have virtually no reason to fear the fish ever invading our cities and towns.  But, if the fish are able to defy all odds and overcome all of those obstacles, we might have a reason to fret.

Fishermen would be complaining not about the hot sun, or high gas prices, but instead, about fish poo in their water supply, random fish attacks on innocent tadpoles, organized fish attacks on guilty tadpoles, and even more disturbing, fish becoming so desperate that they are willing to tear open their other fishmates just for the sake of using the victim's intestines to sew together tow cables that will be used to wrap around your ankles so you can't walk, and then drag you down into the abyss, where they will continue to perform unspeakable horrors on your hopeless body.

The way I see it, we have only two options (three if you ignore some of the laws of physics). Viable solutions include:

• Wipe out all of the fish, all over the world
• Learn about fish and what we can do to respect their culture
• Build a time machine to go back in time and wipe out the violent people before they begin hunting the fish

One of those solutions would be a lot of work, the second would require a lot of patience and for us to actually care about fish, and the third is physically (and ethically) unsound.

I suppose man and fish will not ever coexist in equality.  Stop whining about it, sissy pants.