Life Goals (Or Not)

Whether you're 50 or 5, 16 or 166, you have some goals that you want to accomplish in life.  Even if you haven't sat down and explicitly written out a list, or even if you haven't made a mental archive of ambitions to achieve before you die, I'm willing to say that there are things you want to get done before you ride off into the sunrise on the sunburned llama (if you know what I mean).  When is a good time to accomplish your goals?  How many goals should one have per lifetime?  What are some good goals one should be shooting for?  These questions and more (or less) I will answer for you in the following paragraphs.

Quality
Choosing appropriate goals (no pun intended) is a decision that is regulated by only one rule: is it feasible for you to accomplish a given goal in your lifetime?  To counter your quick, unplanned, foolish criticism in which you lash, "Where is the adventure and the excitement in achieving the ordinary?  What joy is it to attain that which is certain?" I will supply you with the this reminder:

Remember in High School anatomy when your teacher taught you about the fragile emotional state of the killer whale?  Remember how the killer whale would succumb to wild fits of rage when he routinely lost his youth league soccer matches?

The whale's goals (winning) were lofty and unattainable; when unmet, the whale was left in a state of despair and gloom.  I think, scientifically speaking, the whale would have led a happier life if he won his soccer matches.  The point is: do not set out to accomplish what you are destined to fail; instead, succeed in those areas.

Of course, one way to absolutely prevent the failure of any of your goals is to have no goals.  You cannot fail something that is not in existence.  You can't accomplish your life goals if you have no goals, either -- unless your life goal was to have no goals... loophole!

Quantity
Speaking of paradoxes, a good rule to follow concerning the quantity of life goals is: do not attempt more goals than a healthy set of oxen can carry.  Let's say an ox can carry three goals at a time: plowing, lowing, and eating.  If you try to burden down an ox with too many tasks at one time, you will create for yourself one angry animal -- one angry 3000 lb. animal.  Trust me, if I learned anything from the summer of 78', it is that you do not want to vex anything that large!  The point is: if it is too much for a 3000 lb. beast to handle, it is probably too much for you as well.  Choose a reasonable amount of attainable goals -- or face an irate herd of killer whaxen!  (Whaxen = whales + oxen)

Playing fair
Lastly, don't copy other people's life goals.  Cuz' copying ain't cool, man.  If your friend says one of her qualitatively and quantitatively reasonable goals is to get married, guess what, that can no longer be your goal.  You can still get married, but there will no longer be any feeling of joy or success when that day comes.  You should find a new life goal and accomplish it -- quickly, before your friends take up all the good ones!

Good luck in choosing your life goals; choose carefully or reap the consequences!  Or you could be lazy, I suppose.