Stuff Chicks Dig

If you are a dude and have said to yourself "Man, I wish there was a comprehensive list of things chicks dig," then this is the post for you! Look no further; my name is Cliff; and I know the list.

Many people will tell you that girls love chocolate and flowers and roses and dandelions and rattlesnakes, but what do those clowns really know? I'll tell you what clowns know: clowns know how to make people not like them! Did you know 10 out of 10 historians don't like clowns? I personally don't see what is so unattractive about those clowns. Clowns come to birthday parties and make people laugh -- what is so wrong with that? They drive funny little cars -- where is the atrocity in that? Is it because they look kind of funky? Well guess what, so do babies, old people and middle schoolers; but people don't run around yelling, "OMG, I am afraid of middle schoolers named Chuckie!"

Now that I think about it, being afraid of middle schoolers isn't that crazy a notion; they are unpredictable, exaggeratedly hyper, and haven't learned the social norms of society. Sometimes they can be terrors! I'm pretty sure if I had to choose between spending the day with a clown or a middle schooler, I would choose the clown. Perhaps if a middle schooler were dressed up like a clown, then the general populous would have a reason to drop what they are doing and enter into a state of mass hysteria and panic. But until then, can we just let bygones be bygones (whatever a bygone is)?

Actually didn't Chuckie look like he was about the age of a middle schooler? I know a middle schooler who reminds me of Chuckie -- always running around stabbing people and haunting their dreams. Don't mess with middle schoolers named Chuckie, man. If you do, you are only cruisin' for a bruisin'! Also you're probably cruising for a dagger to the torso.